Weird poem title? You might wonder
Not the kind of words that go together
Waking up your unwanted feelings from their slumber
Denial instead of recognition,
And liberation sacrificed for permanent suffer
Pain, hurt, & trauma hidden under smile’s cover
Hurting is healing, how come? Seems like a stumper
Sounds like an intruder, a monster
But hear me out, & you will understand why later
Since ever I came to Tangier in 2018
My perception of time has changed
So, whenever someone calls or texts,
It feels like years and ages
There was this friend actually
Who recently picked up her phone and called me
She said she wanted to say hi and know how I was doing
So, I played along and asked her the same
Her answer surprisingly shocking came in the form of a question:
She said:
Why don’t positivity and optimism always work?
When your heart is shattered into pieces
& when all is left inside of you is hurt?
When your soul is sucked out of life?
When everyone and everything around hurts deep like a knife?
I took a moment and asked her to close her eyes and breathe
I know that deep down, your soul seethes
I will ask you to do the same – and trust the process
And it’s okay if you feel some sort of stress
I know some of you are telling themselves
Why should I trust a stranger reading her poem in front of me?
What if I close our eyes and she curses me or hypnotizes or kills me?
Hahha! As much the last thought is tempting but it is not likely to happen
Now, close your eyes, and follow the sound of my voice
Let’s start with this exercise:
Take a deep breath
So, INHALE [As much air as you can]
EXHALE [PAIN MISERY AGONY & DESPAIR]
I know it has been a while now since you came into terms
With what hurts you the most
I want to inhale and then exhale
Everything that is burdening you- stepping on your chest
& stealing the air from your lungs
Inhale & Exhale
Let’s liberate our hearts from the dust of hurt
Like autumn trees and birds changing feather
Let’s count to ten together
1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8-9-10
Now, all at once,
Say out loud
what’s burdening and burning your souls like hell
like a prisoner granted freedom, from his jail cell
I know at times when nobody is around
You feel
LONELY & UGLY
SAD & STUPID
WORTHLESS & TALENTLESS
You literally feel you are “NOBODY”
Just like a baby fish in the wide sea
& I know also even when you are surrounded by others
You keep replaying old worn-out tapes
You feel like a failure
You are your top enemy and hater
Bottling up all the rage and fear
Resentment, disappointment, and anger
Forcing yourself to be a people pleaser
Serving often as a peacekeeper, tension appeaser
I know it leaves you hanging like a rope
Believe me - it does not last forever
I know you heard the cliché sentence
“Everything is going to be fine
You’re telling yourself that it is just a lie
It is easily said than done
Well, they say actions speak louder than words
So, it is up to you to take those actions
So, here, try to answer the following question:
When was the last time you actually took a moment for yourself?
And bottled out everything hurting you?
Well, tonight I offer you that opportunity
ALLOW YOURSELF TO HURT
TO HURT DOES NOT REALLY HURT UNLESS YOU LET IT HURT
HERE WHAT I WANT YOU TO DO
● When you are hurting – suffocating
It is okay not to be okay, Okay!!?
It is okay not to be okay, Okay?
Now repeat after me:
It is okay not to be okay
●When you are hurting
Don’t hesitate to tell someone beloved to you: I am not fine
Tell them about all the sleepless nights
& the pain in your body and the ache in your spin
●When you are hurting,
don’t bottle up, but allow yourself to cry
You might think that I am trying to make you feel down
That’s not true,
Because I know how much crying is soul-liberating
Plus, God has created tears for a reason – RELIEF
●When you are hurting,
stop for a moment
And instead of ignoring what’s hurting you
Try to ask yourself:
WHAT HAVE I DONE? Or Where did it go wrong?
You are not obliged to fake it when you’re vulnerable acting you are strong
See, they keep telling us that we need to toughen up
If we want to move forward in life
But, what they failed to tell us is that pain is part life’s equation
They keep telling us that ignoring our pain is crucial
If we want glory and strive
But what they failed to show us how to find our way to liberation
See, I am just like you a human being full of imperfections
I am deemed to hurting and damnation
But I choose to use my spoken word poetry as my tool
Because after all Hurting is Healing
Author: Tlaytmass Saou
Email: tlaitsaou@gmail.com