Dear self,
I've been there since the day you became conscious and aware of the surrounding world. The day you started discovering many hidden things about your family, culture, and society. The day you were afraid of people and the day you fought to keep your body safe. When you felt insecure about your kind personality and the day you were hiding yourself to be invisible at the right time when you should be heard and seen. I've been there when no one was, and I will be there when no one will.
I see in your eyes fatigue and hidden pain, the pain that appears when I see the reflection of your soul in the mirror. I don't see only the details of your smiling face, but I am interested in knowing the details of your inner world that appear in that mirror when you are alone, lost, and confused. I used to see you hugging yourself before you were engulfed by those shivers that shake your body after every war of ideas you fought with yourself. I was feeling the shiver of your frightened body and the cold that afflicted your lips in the dearest summer heat.
I was able to see the faces of those people you were thinking of every time you tried to sleep with open eyes late into the night. I could hear their voices, their waves of laughter, their rumors, and their regrets. I could see you trying to forgive and forget, but you only forgive, you don't forget. These night thoughts are like ghosts above your head, they walk around to remind you of the past, of buried and forgotten memories. However, I could hear you praying and asking God to reassure your heart whenever the ghosts return again.
What I admired about you was not the way you stayed strong and the way you did not give up when you had the chance to do so, but the way you kept your heart sane as it was before. You decided to move on and to keep moving forward despite the thorns on the road, and despite the toxic atmosphere you were surrounded by. I want to say, dear self, I'm proud of you. I’m proud of your efforts to bring light into the darkest moments, of you trying hard to fight your fears while you were feeling weak. I want to say, last but not least, you will never be alone. I've been there when no one was, and I will be there when no one will.
Editor : Ishrak Arfaoui
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