Imagine being in your early twenties, freshly graduated, full of ambitions, ready to go on a new adventure, and you get hit by a global pandemic that leaves you stuck with fear, doubt, confusion, and a blurry future.
At the same time, everyone around you seems to keep pushing you harder to get a job, to pursue a master's degree, to do something useful. All of this chaos is happening around you, and all you want to do is lie down, take a rest from the world and survive.
I recall last March when I had to write my final project report from home, everything seemed to stress me out. I couldn't bear my family's chattering, my friends' jokes or even all the happy and positive social media posts.
Fortunately, I was aware that social media only showed us the better half of reality and I kept reminding myself that there’s a bigger image we don’t get to see.
It has been a hard time for me and for people all around the globe, indeed. Yet, some people thought they were entitled to tell others what to do and how it needs to be done. I saw many of them bragging about making the most out of the quarantine, encouraging others to read as many books as they can, to enroll in whatever free course they stumble upon, to exercise daily, to keep smiling, to keep spreading positive vibes… And it became too much to handle!
Did they realize how toxic it was to force people to make the most out of a global pandemic? LITERALLY.
Death rates were increasing every minute, people were afraid to lose their loved ones, everyone was scared and anxious to go out, online education was already stressful enough... There was no bright side. But still, people kept pretending there was one and kept posting as many “positive vibes” and “productivity” posts” as they could, as if they were in some sort of competition.
At a certain point, I began to realize that ''it's okay to not be productive'' is not just an expression that we share on our feeds, it's a life motto to live by. Also, I realized that breathing in and out and holding yourself together until the end of the day was enough. I understood that surviving was my biggest achievement during quarantine.
We were taught, for years now, that rest is for quitters, lazy and unsuccessful people. I’m now realizing that rest is not something to feel guilty about. I can take a rest whenever I want to, for as long as I want to, because I deserve it.
Pretending to be always happy and faking positivity just to not be called ''drama queen'' or accused of spreading negative energy, is never the right solution. Looking to the bright side does more harm than good to our mental wellbeing.
If you lost something, you should take the time to mourn it and grieve. If you’re unsatisfied with a certain situation, you should be able to acknowledge that and express it properly.
Being force-fed positivity is one of the most dangerous things that can happen to anyone, leading them to bottle up their emotions and not process them clearly. No one has the right to tell you to cheer up every time you feel low or say that you should just be grateful for what you have. We can feel gratitude and still be unsatisfied or missing something else. We don’t need anyone to invalidate our feelings or mock us for showing our true emotions and opening up.
These toxic traits or bad habits that we’re using, accidentally and automatically, are a result of our own background and surroundings.
I believe that when someone opens up to us and tries to express their emotions, we definitely shouldn’t force them to think that they are being dramatic or overreacting. We should not deny the fact that things cannot be always okay and that life is not always glorious.
Now I understand that when in deep pain, people are not looking for comforting sentences, advice, or pep talk. They’re looking for understanding, mirroring, and someone who listens.
I’m grateful for this pandemic because it showed me what it’s like to process my emotions, to deal with them and not neglect them. I’m not obliged to fake positivity all the time. I need to deal with my real human feelings, with my ups and downs, my fears and doubts. It’s not something to be ashamed of.
As a matter of fact, it is something I should be proud of, because I’m in the middle of a process that will lead me eventually to cope with my feelings, and move forward to a healthy life and a peaceful mindset.
Writer: Khouloud Kechiche
Editor: Ishrak Arfaoui