Waking up every morning with a head full of mixed thoughts, a body that doesn’t want to leave its place, heavy pain in your chest, self-hatred, feeling dead inside, looking for a reason to move and fight for another day and you keep convincing yourself that it’s just the beginning of another bad day, but it’s not.
At first, you start struggling with the little things, but you end up ignoring them. However, as time elapses, doing the smallest tasks becomes painful. That’s when you know that the ghost of depression started to crawl inside you: it feels like you are stuck in the state of mind of being ashamed of everything you’ve done. All the satisfaction and self-love that you had before just keep disappearing slowly. Day by day, you get used to putting on a social mask to hide all this mess and you keep saying “I'm okay” while putting a little nice smile on your face because that’s what you are supposed to do, isn’t it?
A bunch of questions keeps haunting you:
“Why is the world unfair?
Why is it so selfish?
Why is it so cruel?
What am I? “
All the days become indistinguishable, just heaviness filling your mind and heart.
Yet there is that glimpse of hope, when you try to leave your comfort zone, to go out, and to meet people. Unfortunately, this revival doesn’t last long. Therefore, you crawl back again to your bed and disconnect yourself from all the pain outside, nevertheless, you can’t get rid of that one you feel inside.
Depression feels like you're screaming but no one hears, or like you’re drowning and no one notices. But, it’s up to you to choose to either get some help and fight back, or just surrender.
Depression does not define you. Being unable to achieve your basic daily tasks doesn’t imply that you are unproductive or lazy. As a matter of fact, waking up every morning means that you are a brave warrior.
Every day is a battle and a new chance to survive and win. As Leonard Cohen once said: “There is a crack in everything, that’s how the light gets in”, and you have the chance to let the light get in, don’t waste it.
Writer: Hiba Ghanmi
Editor: Sahar Mahri
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